Thursday, April 29, 2010

Xandali the Faery Martyr

Xandali was the first of the Faery to propose the idea of cross-breeding with humans to infiltrate humanity (see my post from March 27), a generation before the project actually began. While the Faery population responded well to the idea if infiltration, poor Xandali couldn't convince them that the humans didn't carry a contagious pathogen that caused baldness. Faeries have always been quite vain.

Xandali appealed to their outrage at the Druids for scaring them underground with a giant paper mache hippopotamus, but only got the support of those who were mad at their fathers, being the most natural rebels of any culture. His true motives, however, were kept to himself.

There was a particularly lovely cat herder named Diloa. Xandali would hide behind rocks, and watch her, dreaming of excuses to “have relations” with her. Faeries were not, at that time, skilled in romance, so wooing her with tales of vengeance on the Druids was the best he could come up with. Getting his family in on the infiltration idea would be necessary, since his mother had her heart set on him marrying a certain cobbler's daughter.

After a discouraging argument in a Faery barber shop, trying to convince his brethren that the humans wouldn't think of them as “Easy,” Xandali went to the cat pastures for some voyeurism. Diloa was harder to find than usual; cats are not easily herded. Poor Xandali spent the day wandering, and wound up in a small town by the sea. The people of this town had never seen a Faery, and were awed by his red hair. They didn't believe his story that it was from falling asleep while picking raspberries, and assumed that he was a messenger from the gods.
Seeing that there was no escape from their adorations, he spent his days preaching a message of peace and tolerance of the balding.

When the Faeries of his home cavern discovered him missing, his followers spread the rumor that he had been abducted by Druids and spun into gold. Faeries hate being mistaken for Smurfs almost as much as they hate being mistaken for Leprechauns. Having a martyr got the hybrid-infiltration project the approval it needed to proceed.

Diloa was never seen again, and was presumed dead by salmon attack.


  1. I must say they sound a funny bunch of people, It got me thinking perhaps my late husband's family belonged to them, on his father's side all the male went bald as also my eldest son.
    I enjoyed reading this, I found it interesting and absorbing. Thanks for sharing, hope the baby is well.

  2. Hi, Will, I enjoyed your Faery tale and also the posting on Warning Labels. Ha. So funny. Poor cat.

  3. Your stories are awesome! Look forward to hearing plans of more. Also I hope u feel better