Currently listening to: System Of A Down: “Toxisity.” Yet another awesome thing about writing: I get time to listen to all these CD's I haven't had time for in awhile
So, as I mentioned, Adam at http://www.throwingquarters.com is waiting for his child to be born, so I got to wondering, what does the father do when she's contracting & dilating? This could last for a lot of hours, and how many times can I repeat the same encouraging tidbits? I'm guessing that it would be pretty rude to bring a book. How much more so if I sat listening to my Ipod! I don't have a good phone for Twittering, and I'm guessing that she'd get sick of being fed ice pretty quickly.
Also, I'm not allowed to have hurt feelings. Since my wife comes from an Italian family, she can be pretty expressive, and I have to remember that when all's said and done, she'll be very happy & grateful for the bundle of joy I helped bring into the world. However, until all's said & done, I'm expecting a verbal fire-storm of biblical proportions. I'm sure it's nothing the nurses haven't seen before, but, being new to this, I'll confess to some trepidation. It may however make the “6-8 Weeks Off” a little easier! “Love you Baby, but let's dodge that bullet!”
And what of the medical horrors? When the water breaks, will I need galoshes? Will the afterbirth look like a brown-red wineskin? Will I be overwhelmed by nervous giggles? (yes, I'm that juvenile) If that come at the wrong time, I'm sure to get a punch in the throat!
One buddy at work had quite the story: He was speechless. No, really, here's this perpetual 14-year-old, who always has some smart-assery on the tip of his tongue, and has many, many write-ups for inappropriate jokes, but the sounds of birth (one vaginal, one C-Section) left him absolutely green! If I'm not mistaken, he may have passed out!
So, the more I worry about that day (or so), the less I'll worry about being a good dad. What's the worst that can happen? They'll need therapy? A job's been created!
So vote “Will” for “Prince of the Silver Lining!”