As the big studios are trying to crank-out several Blockbuster Extravaganza’s per year, they are increasingly mining the past. This has often worked well, as was the case with Transformers and even The A Team.

Much of the audience approached these movies with a sense of hopeful nostalgia, and they weren’t disappointed. Well, I’m sure that many were disappointed; nerds are notorious for poo-poo-ing any efforts to revitalize a classic franchise, but that’s neither here nor there.

Which brings me to the colossal disappointment that was the G.I. Joe movie. To be fair, what did they do right? Well, I enjoyed the emphasis on Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. And, there was some nice eye-candy. I also liked the origins-of-Cobra-Commander part.

How about the classic character of Scarlet? Known and loved for decades, they spent minutes on the character, and her “I-don’t-believe-in-emotions-because-they-aren’t-tangible” speech nearly made me throw my TV out the window. Really? I’m sure that only the most damaged High-Schoolers are buying into that bullshit dichotomy.

And how about those power-suits that the new recruits enjoyed? NOT NECESSARY! The GI Joe lore has quite enough to fill a movie, and make it exciting. I’m not 100% sure that there weren’t these Power Suits, but it just came off like a visual gimmick. Granted, it did work as such, but it would have been better in another movie.

And WTF with the Baroness turn-coating at the end? They were plainly setting up a series (or a sequel, at the very least). Having a primary antagonist switching sides at the end just did NOT make sense!

Like a lot of people my age, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe, and I was very disappointed in this movie. Did they even test-screen it with an appropriate age group? It seems that they were thumbing their noses at us, and trying out some new special effects tricks. If that was the case, good for them, but please, do NOT tack a well-established name on it.

And that’s my spleen-venting for the week. Thanks for hanging in there.