Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Truth About Red Heads

Have you ever wondered why red-heads tend to wear a lot of greens and browns? I mean, the colors are naturally complimentary, but I've recently learned that it's much more sinister.

As it happens, most natural red heads are half-breeds, cross-bred with Faeries about 3000 years ago to infiltrate humanity. The green and brown clothing is a nostalgic homage to their Celtic roots. The infiltration campaign was spear-headed when the Faery were driven underground by the Druids, who were quite upset when the Faery gold they received in exchange for their carpet cleaning services disappeared, as Faery gold tends to do.

The Druids then scared them into hiding with a giant paper mache hippopotamus. It was several generations before the Faery re-emerged to breed with the inhabitants of isolated communities of farmers and cat herders in Ireland and Wales. After several attempts involving countless keggers and sappy plays, the Faery finally bred enough human/Faery hybrids to send throughout the known world and learn the secrets of paper mache.

For reasons unknown, they have yet to find the right flour-to-water proportions to make their own paper mache hippopotamus. Most of the natural red-heads in the world today are not consciencely aware of the agenda, but they will be. Their Fae allegiance is encoded into their DNA, and will be triggered soon, as the leaders of the campaign are painfully aware that their window of opportunity is closing with the death of print-media, and the subsequent end of easily available newsprint.

If you were wondering how I came across this information, a Fairy (a smaller breed than Faery) got caught in fly paper, and divulged these secrets on the promise that I'd stop making stupid Lucky Charms jokes. The only thing Fairy's (and Faery's) hate more than paper mache hippopotamus's is being mistaken for Leprechauns


  1. muuuaaahhhhaaa! You've figured us out, now I must hunt you down for divulging our secrets!

  2. So...... you're calling me a fairy?

  3. I think you have had more vodka than I have...

  4. this is so funny. You should check out my site, not as funny, but fun just the same.

    if you have a photo of one of your friend faeries, I'll put your story on my blog. You can become a Red Friend.

  5. lol that is awesome!!! Best post yet! haha I love it! Paper Mache hippopotamus, as I was reading this I kept picturing Matt as a fairy haha its funny. Awesome job!

  6. Just saw your comment on Carrie Heim's blog and came here to check out your blog. How about kicking your site into high gear and checking into what some of us are doing in April.

    I’d like to invite you and your readers to join us in a blogging challenge for the month of April. Check it out at Blogging From A to Z

    It's not as hard as it might sound. Short regular posts will get you in a blog habit. And you build your following in the process. How about it-- we could use some more Canadians in the mix.

    Let me know and I'll add you to the roll.