The Truth About Red Heads

Have you ever wondered why red-heads tend to wear a lot of greens and browns? I mean, the colors are naturally complimentary, but I've recently learned that it's much more sinister.

As it happens, most natural red heads are half-breeds, cross-bred with Faeries about 3000 years ago to infiltrate humanity. The green and brown clothing is a nostalgic homage to their Celtic roots. The infiltration campaign was spear-headed when the Faery were driven underground by the Druids, who were quite upset when the Faery gold they received in exchange for their carpet cleaning services disappeared, as Faery gold tends to do.

The Druids then scared them into hiding with a giant paper mache hippopotamus. It was several generations before the Faery re-emerged to breed with the inhabitants of isolated communities of farmers and cat herders in Ireland and Wales. After several attempts involving countless keggers and sappy plays, the Faery finally bred enough human/Faery hybrids to send throughout the known world and learn the secrets of paper mache.

For reasons unknown, they have yet to find the right flour-to-water proportions to make their own paper mache hippopotamus. Most of the natural red-heads in the world today are not consciencely aware of the agenda, but they will be. Their Fae allegiance is encoded into their DNA, and will be triggered soon, as the leaders of the campaign are painfully aware that their window of opportunity is closing with the death of print-media, and the subsequent end of easily available newsprint.

If you were wondering how I came across this information, a Fairy (a smaller breed than Faery) got caught in fly paper, and divulged these secrets on the promise that I'd stop making stupid Lucky Charms jokes. The only thing Fairy's (and Faery's) hate more than paper mache hippopotamus's is being mistaken for Leprechauns