Friday, December 18, 2009

Spinning Yarns

About a month ago, I heard that 30% of what’s written in Blogs is fabrication. Either I’m only reading that 30%, or these authors are really uninspired.

Now, when I told you that in labor, my wife was in active labor for two hours, and really pushing for about 35 minutes, I can see it if that sounded a little far-fetched. If you don’t believe that that’s how it happened, no sweat off of my brow.

Other than that, there’s no reason to doubt me. I can assure you that I can be more clever if I wanted to spin yarns. Such as:

“When Calli was born, the umbilical cord was wrapped around her ankle, and she bungied out of my wife, to bounce back up into the doctor’s arms.”

“I’m spending Christmas in Jamaica with Jimmy Page”

“I played a Jawa in Return of the Jedi.”

"I’m really Kurt Cobain, and I faked my death to throw-off the media”

See? Good, tall tales! But I believe that of all the Blogs you read, very few of them seem phony!

I work with a guy who does this in real life. Really, he’s a Sho Ren priest, he’s done Black Ops for the CIA, and has a family in the US that he can’t visit because 9/11 tightened up the border security. I don’t talk to him much anymore, because of a BS allergy.

Tall tales are a lot of fun, and I tell them often, but when people say “Really?” I say “No, not really.” A good example is when I 10-year-old lad comes through my line at work, I say “When the ladies ask, tell them you broke that rescuing puppies & orphans from a fire.” One of the mothers actually came back and said that her boy was telling that story!


  1. Good one.Hey Kurt you may want to save poor Frances Bean cuz her mother is a nut job.

    I'm not one for embellishment on my blog either...

    Love the line BS allergy..

    PS can you answer the email I said regarding my blog...I need to know. :)

  2. haha BS allergy? that is totally something you would say. Telling fibs I find is more common when you have a conversation face-to-face, mind you there is still a lot of it going out on the web.

  3. I was batman in a previous life. Yes. I was in fact, Michael Keaton.

  4. i once played Ron Jeremy in a porno, but my penis was bigger so i was cut.

    there was also this one time where I flew a fighter jet off the end of an aircraft carrier while serving in Vietnam.

  5. I couldn't make stuff up if I tried. If I were making it up, I wouldn't be a bumbling single mom living in an apartment. I'd be one of those crafty, super moms that could do everything without breaking a sweat and never called her kids assholes. I wouldn't be very funny then, though.